


The Fading Light

by VirtuousNightmares



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Blood, Depression, Fighting, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Reckless Driving, Suicide, Trigger Warnings, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 09:03:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10613649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VirtuousNightmares/pseuds/VirtuousNightmares
Summary: Justin's life was always filled with darkness until a light finally shone through.





	1. The Tapes

Everything was always so dark. His life was the darkest and he just couldn’t get out of this dark cloud that he seemed to be trapped in. It was always dark. Everyone he met always had a dark side. Even his friends were the epitome of darkness in his life. All of his significant others were just mixing in with the darkness around him and sometimes he felt like he was being swallowed up by it. That was until a light finally shone through the darkness and something finally lit up his world.

Alex fucking Standall.

Why was he the only one who was able to make him laugh and smile when he was having a tough day? Why was he the only one who understood him? Why was he the only one who could read him like a Children’s Book? Why was he the only light in his life that shined brighter than any star he’d ever seen?

Meeting Alex in Sophomore year made Justin’s Sophomore year a lot better and it was probably the best year of his life. There was so much he’d experienced in that single year upon meeting Alex and he could finally feel like there wasn’t a problem at home all of the time and focus on school and sports and whatever the fuck he wanted because Alex was with him. Because his friends were with him.

But then it all changed when she passed and those tapes got out.

He had listened to the tapes, but when he heard all of them he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. None of this happened to her. Right? No, she was just overreacting. No one actually did these things, did they? No. She just did it for attention. All of this was exaggerated and not all of this happened. She’s just trying to guilt them all into thinking it’s actually their faults. He couldn’t pass this on. No one should hear these. None of these people should ever hear these tapes. He should just destroy these and move on with life.

The day he decided he’d burn the tapes, Tony had approached him and leaned on the lockers as Justin frowned and watched him curiously. “What d’ya want?” Justin asked and put one of his books in the locker, closing it and turning to fully face Tony.

“You done with those tapes yet?” He asked as Justin’s eyes widened and he quickly looked around for anyone who was on the tapes. Luckily, none of them were there.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Justin asked, trying to act oblivious to whatever nonsense Tony was talking about.

“Judging by your reaction, you’ve listened to all of them already. Pass them on.” Tony said and turned to leave, but Justin quickly stopped him.

He lowered his voice to a whisper, “How the fuck do you know about the tapes? You’re not on any of the tapes.” He questioned. Was there a second set of-- _Shit,_ Tony had the second set of tapes and if Justin didn’t follow the rules, then he would release the tapes to the world and Justin couldn’t do that to everyone. None of them deserved to have their lives ruined like that. This was so fucked up. He couldn’t give the box to Jessica. He just couldn’t. Especially since Alex was number three.

“I’m sorry, Justin. If it’s too hard for you, I could give it to her.”

“No,” Justin said quickly as Tony frowned. “Let me give her time. Prepare her, I don't know. This shit is too much for anyone to handle.”

Tony studied his face for a while and bit his lip, nodding soon afterward. “Fine, but don't tell her about the tapes until you give them to her.”

“Why not?” Justin asked in irritation. She was going to get the tapes anyway, why keep it from her?

“It's what Hannah would've wanted.” With that, Tony walked away from Justin just as a distracted Alex started walking passed him.

Frowning, Justin could notice immediately that something was up and that the only light in his life was dwindling. Did her death hit him that hard? “Hey, Alex!” He caught up with the blonde haired boy and walked with him to wherever he was heading to. Honestly, he didn't care if he was late for class.

Alex side glanced at Justin, but kept his eyes on the floor and gripped his backpack straps tighter. “What do you want, Justin?”

Justin shrugged, “I don't know really…” He scratched the back of his head as Alex scoffed and rolled his eyes. Quickening his pace, Alex ignored Justin, “Hey wait, Alex!”

Alex held up a middle finger, “Fuck off, Foley.” Alex walked through the doors as the final bell rang and Justin stood there dumbfounded by the sudden change of aggressiveness from the blonde haired male.


	2. The Pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex knows about the tapes and is guilt-ridden about them.

Talking with Bryce and Zach, Justin’s smile immediately faltered as Alex stomped his way over to them with a mix of sadness, anger, and irritation in his eyes. His light wasn't there anymore, now it was an expanding dark cloud overtaking Alex’s surroundings. Oh fuck, he heard the tapes. Alex walked straight for Justin and pushed him back with all of his strength as Justin said nothing and just took whatever Alex was going to do. “What the fuck, Justin?!” Alex shouted which gained the attention of a couple of other people.

“Hey man, what are you doing?” Zach asked with a frown, but Alex ignored him.

“Why'd you do it, Justin?” Alex asked he looked close to tears. Justin clenched his jaw and refused to say something. Fuck, he couldn't lie to Alex, he could see straight through the lie even if Justin had solid evidence. “You're a sick son of a bitch, Foley,” Alex said and walked away. His light was walking away from him. Well, he was his light, now he was the epitome of darkness that scared everyone. His friends were the darkness, but Alex took it to a whole ‘nother level. And he was terrified. His only light was gone and he trudged into the darkness now. He had to do something. Anything, to get his light back.

So Justin ran after him and called his name. Once. Twice. Three times before Alex gave up walking away and turned around to face Justin. His entire face was etched with hurt and Justin wanted to do everything in his power to relieve the pain, relieve the hurt from Alex’s face forever. He wanted his light back. “Nothing happened, Alex. You can't believe everything she says.” Why did he decide to lie anyway?

Alex scoffed and rolled his eyes, biting his lip, “Yeah? Well, she got everything right about me.” With that, he left. His light walked away from him and Justin couldn't move. His legs felt like jelly and all he wanted to do was run after him again. But he couldn't because he's fucking weak. He's so weak that he couldn't even stop Alex from walking away from him. Why the fuck was the world so cruel?

From that day on, Justin watched as his light slowly dulled out day by agonizing day. It hurt to watch all of the people most important to him suffer from these tapes that she left them. He watched as the tapes were passed on to everybody and he saw how it changed everyone until it got to Clay Jensen. Fucking Clay Jensen and his fucking innocent ass. There's no way that he didn't do something to her. Why did there have to be more pain inflicted on everyone? Everything got worse when Clay received those tapes and it was eating away at everyone. They were already suffering as it was why was Jensen making it even worse for all of them.

Justin watched as Alex fell into the pool and he wanted to go after him, but Bryce would not let him go. “Fucking let go of me!” Justin snapped as Bryce furrowed his brows and slowly let go of Justin who stood up and ran to the pool to help Alex, but the blonde was already getting out of the pool. Justin shoved his hands into his pockets and sighed, “Going for a late night swim?”

“Fuck off, Justin,” Alex said instantly and started to walk away, possibly intending to leave.

“Whoa, dude!” Justin ran up to Alex and stopped in front of him as the blonde looked at him in irritation. “You're drenched. How are you going home like this?”

“Why the fuck do you care?” Alex asked and tried to push past him, but Justin sidestepped.

“At least stay until you're warm and dry,” Justin suggested as Alex averted his eyes and sighed through his nose, nodding in agreement.

“Fine…” Alex muttered as Justin smiled a bit.

Justin looked behind Alex and shouted at Bryce, “Hey, could you hand us some towels?” Bryce gave him a thumbs up and walked deeper into the pool house in search for towels. Justin looked back at Alex who was looking away from him. “Do you want to st--”

“I'm leaving when I'm dry.” Alex reminded him as Bryce walked over with the towels and handed them to Justin. Justin unfolded the towel and draped it over Alex’s shoulders who instantly gripped the ends of the towel and pulled it closer to himself.

“Need anything else, Alex?” Bryce asked.

“I'm fine,” Alex answered immediately.

Justin sighed and turned to Bryce, “Do you have any spare clothes?”

“None that'll fit his skinny little ass,” Bryce commented with a chuckle. “Give ‘im yours. You're more his size.” Bryce suggested as Justin took a deep breath and nodded.

“Hey, guys!” Justin and Bryce looked over at Zach and Montgomery. “We’re leaving! I'm taking Montgomery home.” Zach said as Bryce waved.

“Alright, cya!” Zach and Montgomery left as Justin grasped Alex’s arm to pull him to the pool house, but Alex pulled away from him.

“I can walk there myself,” Alex said and pushed past Justin and Bryce, walking over to the pool house as water dropped onto the ground and created a trail toward the pool house.

“Take care of him, Justy, he looks a little shaken,” Bryce said before walking away and leaving Justin to chase after Alex. And that's what he did.

Justin hurried to the pool house and stopped at the entrance when he noticed that Alex was shirtless and water dropped down his locks of blonde hair. Alex met his gaze and blinked at him boredly, “What?” He asked, annoyed.

Justin shook his head, “Nothing.” He walked over to his duffel bag and pulled out a pair of sweats and a t-shirt with their school's logo on it, tossing them to Alex who caught them with ease. “You need underwear too?”

“I'll go commando, thanks,” Alex said and stripped his clothes off of him as Justin sat on the couch and picked up a controller, quickly starting a game to distract himself.

“You could keep the sweats then,” Justin replied and they fell into an uneasy silence. After a while, Justin spoke up, “Why'd you do it?”

“I could ask you the exact same thing.” Alex shot back. Justin only sighed and shook his head, turning his attention to the game. “Why do you care anyway?”

“Because you could've drowned,” Justin answered.

“What are you? My mother?” Alex asked rhetorically. Justin sighed once again and realized that the rest of the night was going to be filled with even more tension if they continued to talk to each other. So they stayed there in silence for what felt like forever as Alex plopped onto the couch far away from Justin and watched the other play the game. “You know, you’re really bad.”

Justin glanced at Alex and scoffed, “I’d like to see you do better.”

“Nah,” Alex laid back on the couch and placed his hands behind his head. “I don’t think you want the entire school knowing that I’m better at video games than you.”

“Oh really? That’s pretty high talk.” Justin picked up the other controller and handed it to Alex with a smirk. “I’ll kick your ass, Standall.”

Alex raised a brow and looked at the controller for a good minute, probably contemplating whether or not to prove it to Justin that he was better. Whatever he was thinking, Alex decided to grab the controller and join the game. “I’d like to see you try, Foley.”

Fortunately for the both of them, the tension completely died that night and his light started to shine again.


	3. The Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys decide to do something about Clay.

“We need to take care of him,” Justin said and walked away. He couldn’t look at Alex’s face. He didn’t want that face to judge him for the choices he was making. He wanted to protect everyone from the truth. It wouldn’t help anybody if these tapes went out and ruined all of their hopes and dreams. They had to do something about Clay.

And they were going to.

“Look, there he is!” Zach was the first one to notice Clay racing down the road on his bike as usual. Alex turned the car and drove over to Clay, honking at him and driving in front of him and stopping.

Justin and Zach got out of the car as Clay stopped his bike and frowned, “What the hell?”

“Wanna go for a ride real quick?” Justin asked though it sounded more like an order than a request.

Clay kept his eyes on Justin and seemed to be contemplating his options, but all he said was “No.”

“We think you do,” Zach said dully and walked over to Clay, grabbing Clay’s bike and pulling it away from him as Clay got off.

“What the hell, man? What are you doing?” Clay looked at Justin for answers as Justin pursed his lips and placed his hands on his hips.

Justin cocked his head in the direction of the car, “Get in the car.” Clay turned to Zach and watched him put his bike into the trunk of the car. Were they doing the right thing? Clay looked between Justin and Zach with a look of disbelief as Alex stepped out of the car.

“Come on,” Alex said and placed his arms on the top of the car resting his chin on his arms as Clay stared at him. “I’ll take you home.”

Turning to look at Alex, Justin was surprised that he’d even spoke at all. “Why are you doing this?” Clay asked as Alex shook his head and averted his eyes briefly before looking back at Clay.

“What else am I gonna do?” He asked as Justin studied Alex for a second and noticed that his light was fading again. Walking over to Clay, Justin put his arm around Clay’s shoulders and forced him towards the car.

“I don’t understand,” Clay said, dumbfounded.

The sound of Zach closing the trunk of the car was loud in Justin’s ears as Alex replied with “You will just get in the car” and irritation leaked into his voice. They all got in the car as Clay took off his backpack and stepped into the car closing the door as Alex started the car and drove off. They drove around until sundown and the car was silent as the sun disappeared from view and darkness overtook the land. Alex stopped the car in the middle of the road as Clay looked at each of them for some sort of answer.

“What are you guys doing?” Clay asked and appeared to be trying to hide the fear in his voice. Justin smirked. He wasn’t really sure why and it felt sick and twisted to do this, but they had to do something, anything to keep Clay from releasing those tapes. Alex leaned forward and shut off the headlights of the car, grabbing the gear stick and pulling it back. Then, they were off, heading towards miles upon miles per hour as Clay was trying to figure out why Alex was going so fast. “Yo Alex,” Clay called in confusion and concern.

Justin leaned forward, “We know what you did to Courtney.” The car continued to gradually gain speed as Clay was freaking out in the front seat.

“Whoa Jesus, Alex, slow down.” Clay said, but Alex wouldn’t let up and kept his eyes trained on the road as if he couldn’t keep his eyes off of it even if he tried. In fact, Alex pushed harder on the gas pedal and turned the car to avoid the cars coming from the opposite way as the car’s tires screeched under them.

“You know, you really gotta stop fucking with people, Clay,” Justin remarked.

“Just slow down!” Clay said, ignoring Justin as Alex pushed on the pedal impossibly harder and cars honked at them. Clay watched the car on the opposite lane drive by them and turned to Alex. “Ye--okay, I will, I’ll stop, just slow down! Alex, slow down!” Justin started to smile as Clay’s eyes jumped to each of them. “I’ll stop!”

“Okay, okay,” Justin replied with a wide smile. “Ease up, we’re good.” Justin laid back onto the seats as his smile started to falter when Alex wouldn’t stop the car.

“Alex, I think he gets it, slow down,” Zach said seriously, but he still wouldn’t get his foot off the pedal. At this rate, they were going to die on impact. Justin looked over at Alex and frowned. Why did he look so focused on the road? Why wasn’t he stopping the car? Why the fuck wasn’t he listening to them? Zach leaned forward and glared at the back of Alex’s head, “What the hell, dude? Slow down!” Another car passed by them and honked at them just as the flash of red and blue lights and the sound of a siren alerted the teens to the presence of a cop car.

“Oh shit… Alex--Alex seriously, slow the fuck down.” Justin ordered. “Seriously, Alex!” Alex seemed to take a moment to catch his breath and finally slowed the car to a stop on the side of the road.

Taking a deep breath, Alex turned to Clay and asked, “Ever been to jail before?” Before Clay could respond, the blonde rolled his window down and had a quick conversation with the cop where the other three learned that the cop was Alex’s father. They drove off and Alex headed for Zach’s house since it was the closest.

Once they dropped Clay and Zach off, Alex started heading for Bryce’s house and the two sat in silence for a long while before Justin glanced at the blonde and sighed. “What else am I gonna do? Why’d you say that?” He was genuinely curious, but he was also mad as fuck. Alex released a breath and rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disapproval. “What?” Justin asked angrily.

“What _was_ I gonna do? Say no?” Alex asked. He was a lot calmer than Justin, but then again that was because Justin was pissed off.

“Well yeah! We could’ve gotten someone else!” Justin argued.

Alex scoffed, “And what? Get caught by the police because you’re fucking reckless?” Justin’s voice faltered in his throat after that because he had no retaliation. They were lucky that Alex’s dad was a cop. Once again, the tension was thick between them and they sat in silence until Alex parked in front of Bryce’s house. “Just get off my fucking back, dude. I gotta get home before my mom does.” Justin got out of the car without another word and slammed the car door in Alex’s face. He walked over to the back of the car and opened the trunk, pulling out Clay’s bike and closing the trunk. At that moment, Justin didn’t really have the heart to tell Alex that he didn’t want to be at Bryce’s house. He walked away from the car and heard the car drive off, stopping and looking down at the ground. He gripped the bike tighter. He wished he could’ve said something to Alex before he left, but he was too pissed to say anything. But now, he was more pissed at himself.

Why does his light keep butting heads with him?


	4. The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin and Montgomery nearly run Alex over which ultimately ends up in a fight between Alex and Montgomery.

Widening his eyes, Justin opened his mouth to yell at Montgomery to stop the fucking car before he hit someone, then he saw his light. His dull light walking in front of the car and turned to Montgomery to say something, but Montgomery stepped on the brakes just before they hit Alex. Justin smiled in relief and chuckled as Alex turned to them with a look of utter disbelief and started to take off his backpack. “The fuck is your problem?” Alex asked angrily and dropped his bag, going over to the driver side and glaring daggers at Montgomery and Justin.

Montgomery’s smile faltered, “Dude, Alex, chill. It’s all good.” Montgomery looked away from him as Alex immediately became angrier.

“Oh, it’s all good?” Alex glanced at Justin, but kept his focus on Montgomery. “You think you could just run people over like everyone else at the fucking school?” Alex asked.

Shaking his head, Montgomery smirked and looked up at Alex, “You’re tripping man.”

“Okay…” Alex replied as Justin immediately looked at Alex. “Get out of the car.” Alex said and his voice almost faltered. Justin could tell easily and he frowned in response. What the fuck was Alex doing? Alex and Montgomery stared at each other for what felt like an eternity until Alex hit the car and yelled at Montgomery at the top of his lungs. “GET OUT OF THE CAR!” Montgomery flinched away as Justin looked away and rubbed at his eyes, opening his door. “I’m gonna kick your fucking ass, get out! Get out!”

The two stepped out of the car. “Alex, calm the fuck down.” Justin said as they shut the doors and Montgomery stood in front of Alex intimidatingly, but the blonde didn’t seemed deterred from his goal. What his goal was, Justin didn’t really know.

“You calm the fuck down! I am calm! Man, I’m--I’m so fucking calm.” His voice began to lower and he glared at Montgomery as Justin stood back and watched. They weren’t actually going to fight, were they?

“You don’t want to do this.” Montgomery said. A peace offering, Justin could tell. Montgomery wasn’t going to do anything unless Alex took the first swing at him.

“What man? You think I’m scared of you?” Alex asked. He wasn’t backing down and Justin was starting to get worried.

“You should be.”

“Yeah? Well, fuck you!” Alex said and just as an added bonus, shoved Montgomery at his car as Montgomery stared at him in mild shock. The crowd around them ‘ooh’ed and Alex watched Montgomery and instinctively took a step back as Justin frowned. He could see the hidden fear within Alex. Although, Alex wanted to do this and Justin was having a really hard time figuring out why. Montgomery took a step forward and delivered a heavy punch to Alex who immediately fell to the floor and touched his mouth as blood stained his fingers. Alex seemed to stare at his fingers forever until he looked up and anger overtook him, spinning around and charging at Montgomery. Then it exploded from there and Justin could only watch. He seemed to do that a lot lately. Watching was the only thing he was good at. Doing something about a situation was not his strong suit and this was a perfect example of that. He didn’t want to watch, so he looked around and felt sick to his stomach as the crowd around them seemed to be enjoying their little scuffle. Then his eyes landed on Clay’s and they stared at each other for a good minute. Clay had such a look of disgust and disappointment on his face that Justin felt the guilt start to well up inside of him. Looking back at the fight, Justin saw that Montgomery had Alex pinned and repeatedly punching him as blood dropped from Alex’s lips and Alex didn’t seem to have the strength to fight anymore.

Then Mr. Porter intervened and Justin released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He defused the situation quickly and told everyone to go to class as Justin stood there, watching Alex groan in pain on the floor and clutch at his side. Justin took a step forward and opened his mouth to call out his name, to see if he’s okay, to do something. He wasn’t sure anymore. But the moment he blinked, Mr. Porter, Montgomery, and Alex were walking away from him.

Once again, his light was flickering on and off until Justin couldn’t see him again.

|~@~|

“Why the fuck do you care, Justin?” Alex asked one day when Justin had asked if he could stay at his house again. Justin stared at nothing in particular and bit the inside of his cheek as Alex scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Right, why would you answer me anyway? It’s not like we’re friends or anything.” Justin turned to him instantly at the sound of that. “You know what? Never mind, I get it, Justin, I really do.” Alex said and held his hands up in defense, standing up and going to exit his room.

“Alex wait.” Justin said on impulse as the blonde stopped and sighed, turning around reluctantly. Justin sighed and ran a hand through his hair, standing and walking over to the blonde. They watched each other silently with mixed emotions crossing their faces. Alex was confused and angry. Justin was sad and frightened. They couldn’t do this anymore. No one could handle keeping the truth from the world, so why was it even more painful to tell the truth? “Alex, I…” He trailed off after that. He didn’t want to finish that sentence. He couldn’t. He knew that his light would never feel the same anyway.

Alex scoffed and shook his head, “Why did I think you were going to say something meaningful?” He sighed through his nose and placed his hands on his lips, averting his eyes from Justin. “Get out.” He said quietly as Justin froze in place.

“Alex--” Justin went to place his arm on the other’s shoulder, but Alex flinched away.

“Just get out, please.” He requested calmly and Justin knew he was trying not to yell at Justin. “Go to Bryce’s house, I don’t fucking care where, just go.”

“I can’t…” Justin choked out. “Alex please, this is the only place I got left.”

“Then walk the streets for all I care. Just get out.” He replied harshly as Justin stared at him in disbelief.

Justin shook his head, “Please man, you can’t do this to me.”

“I just did.” Alex said and walked over to Justin’s duffel bag, picking it up and handing it to the other. “I don’t want you here.”

Justin stared down at his bag, then up at Alex and walked over to him. “Alex man, please--”

Alex turned around and shouted at him, “Just get the fuck out!” They were lucky that they were the only ones at home. Justin took a couple of steps back and frowned. “Don’t look at me like you care and just leave.” Saddened, Justin turned and walked out of the room and the house as the front door was slammed closed and locked. Where was he supposed to go now? Justin nearly cried then and there because he lost everyone close to him. Everyone. It was all his fault that they all pushed him away. He’s such an asshole who deserved all of this. Justin walked away from Alex’s house and promised himself that he’d never come back.

So, to hear about the news of Alex’s attempted suicide the next day was Justin’s breaking point. The only light in his life was gone forever and he would never be able to see his light ever again.


End file.
